In this issue:
Quote of the month:
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
-- Chinese Proverb
Current Events:
Women's Circle:
Come and join us and invite your friend s to our ongoing monthly women's circle held the third Tuesday of every month . Take the opportunity to learn, listen, share and laugh. The evening focus es on women's challenges, strategies and energizing exercise s to promote happiness and well being.
The next circle is on May 17th at 190 Robert Speck Parkway in Mississauga.
From Hurontario St.: Coming N or S on Hurontario, turn on Robert Speck Parkway, away from Sq 1 shopping mall. On Robert Speck, on your RIGHT side, go past the business buildings, and the field and the first laneway on your right, where there are 3 red mailboxes, The Treetops sign, turn in and find a parking spot. #190 is the building closest to Robert Speck. From Burnhamthorpe Rd.: Turn onto Robert Speck Parkway. On your LEFT is a condo then a laneway with 3 red mailboxes and a Treetops sign. Turn in and #190 is the building closest to Robert Speck.
Topic for that evening will be:
The masks we wear:
As human beings we have learned to wear masks to protect ourselves in various situations. Masks are born out of core beliefs of how we should behave. Come and explore the masks you us e and how they serve you.
Please call 905-821-4361 or email: eskronski@riseinternational.ca to reserve your space for the circle to be held on May 17th , 2005 from 7:30 to 9:30 pm . Registration at the door from 7:00 pm. to 7:20 pm.
Cost: $10.00
Cancellation policy: We require at least 24 hours notice prior to the day of the event for cancellations. Late cancellations and no-shows will be required to pay an administration fee of $10.00
Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Elizabeth Skronski
Article of the month
Will the Real You Please Stand up!
Written by Anne Bourke
Who is the real you?
Do you find yourself having conflicting inner dialogues with yourself?
Do you feel confused or disappointed by some of your actions?
Do you get bogged down in feelings of guilt and self-judgment?
At birth we bring forward our unique qualities and the essence of who we are. Yet, before we even learn our first word, the process of generational conditioning begins.
Significant people: parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, and authority figures all contribute to the long list of shoulds and ought to's, spoken or silent, providing rules, expectations and beliefs that we are directed or coerced into following.
Unfortunately, in our early years our ability to be objective and insightful is still developing, so that we misinterpret the messages of authority and hold these beliefs as our emotional truths.
Let us also acknowledge that many of the messages from our past were potentially helpful and served as appropriate guideposts.
Yet what about the messages that were abusive: lowering our self-esteem, creating fear, pushing us to be perfect and to put the needs of others over our own needs?
Do you feel good enough?
We carry “scripts” or roles from our early conditioning, of who we think we should be. This determines our behaviours. Many beliefs laid down at an early age are mistakes in our thinking, creating the rigid, black and white, all or nothing thoughts that undermine our common sense and a reasonable sense of self.
Needing to be Perfect is an example of a script of driven, obsessive core beliefs .
Are you a perfectionist?
Do you spend an excessive amount of time trying to be the perfect person in one or more of the following roles: parent, worker, spouse, friend, lover...?
Are you afraid to make mistakes and risk humiliation?
Are you very concerned with what others think about you?
Do you hide your incompetence by working very hard, yet still fear that someone will figure out that you are flawed?
Are you frustrated with people, situations, and become too demanding, or intolerant of others?
If you answered yes to some of the questions, take this self-assessment:
If I am perfect then ...
I will_______________________________
People will__________________________
Life will____________________________
If I do things perfectly then... What will happen _____________________________
What won't happen____________________________
Needing to please everyone is another script supported by driven core beliefs. In this script we have to put ourselves after others, becoming selfless and often sacrificing what we want for what we really need which, deep down, is acceptance and approval.
Are you a pleaser?
Is it easier for you to acknowledge negative feelings about yourself than to express them to others?
If people need you, do you then feel that you won't be left alone?
Do you have difficulty delegating tasks?
Do you go to great lengths to avoid conflict?
Do you get really anxious if you say or do something that could anger someone?
Do you feel selfish and guilty any time you put your needs first?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, take this self-assessment:
If I please others then...
I will ________________________________________
People will____________________________________
Life will______________________________________
If I please everyone then...
What will happen __________________________________
What won't happen_________________________________
There are other scripts about: being in control, being the victim, being right, being strong...
When we uncover one of our scripts or set of core beliefs, we have the opportunity to use the awareness to figure out what the purpose is, what we get out of it and what we are avoiding.
When we live our lives according to the rules of our conditioning without really tapping into our uniqueness, it's like walking through life asleep.
Rediscover your uniqueness.
Live life according to your own values and enjoy a freedom from guilt and anxiety.
Create the healthy energy of a person taking loving care of her/himself.
Question of the Month:
What do you like least about yourself and what does it serve you?
Recommended Book:
Living in the Light, from Shakti Gawain
Upcoming Events:
Women's Retreats
A week-end intensive that provides a natural setting and personal discovery experiences to increase self-esteem, energy, self-nurturing and connection to other women who share similar challenges.
Please call 905-821-4361 or 905-785-6383 for information. Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Elizabeth Skronski
Relationship Renewal
A 4-week course for couples that benefits the relationship by providing:
- Experiential exercise s that promote personal and couple awareness of beliefs and values
- Informative presentations to guide couples toward realistic expectations and goals
- Weekly instruction and practice of constructive communication skills to enhance understanding & intimacy
Please call for 905-785-6383 further information on course dates, location, cost, to request a brochure and to register.
Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Wendy Saxe
Anger Management Course
A 4 week group interactive course that provides self-awareness and understanding of your anger style, the purpose of your anger, naming your stressors and practicing constructive strategies to make changes at all levels: mentally, physiologically and emotionally.
Please call 905-785-6383 for further information. Facilitator: Anne Bourke
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