Volume 2, Issue 2 |
February 2007 |
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In this issue:
“To love means never be afraid of the windstorms of life; should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the beauty of the carvings” - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 1926- Swiss-born American psychiatrist and writer If Love Makes the World Go ‘Round’… Are you Dizzy Yet? By Anne Bourke This is February, the Valentine month, full of cupids, hearts and red candies! Yes, it is a commercial extravaganza: cards, flowers, chocolates, and exotic fantasies! Is there a deeper meaning for you in this day, but the gifts and dinners? Can you find a deeper purpose in this yearly celebration of love? Can you invest the time to look at your significant relationship and your ability to connect emotionally and physically? What about your commitment to healthy communication and open hearted loving? Here are three areas that I continue to focus on, to become more healthy and happy in my significant relationship. 1. Intimate Relationships are About Loving We can make the goal be about loving and being loved and happy, instead of being more right, powerful, superior or hardworking. It’s not about competition, comparison or expecting our partner to be or have values just like ours. Focus on individuality, meaning our differences, not as an annoyance or personal affront but as an opportunity to learn and grow from each other. Unfortunately, we tend to be poor listeners and we rarely hear the intent or ideas that are different from our own, without defending our side. How often do we say? “I didn’t see it that way until now.” “I see where you’re coming from.” “Perhaps that would work, too.” “Help me to understand that.” I know that these words can get stuck in my throat, because it can be difficult for me also to allow others to be right as well. If we really look at it we all are right from our own perceptions, so what a waste of time that is to argue about it! Some intentions: I choose to be open and willing to listen. I choose to see my partner as well intentioned. I choose to communicate with respect and understanding. 2. A Relationship is as Healthy as Two People are Willing and Able to Make it Here are some important key words to healthy relationships: Mutual: For a successful relationship both people need to show up more or less equally in their intention to provide safety, caring and support. Want: Both may want the same quality of relationship or not. When two people have very different values and definitions about what a relationship means, hurt and confusion may result. Willing: We may adopt the WIT belief, ‘Whatever It Takes’. Do you show up willing to invest time and energy in having fun, or listening with compassion and understanding, or making love? Able: Skills are a part of a loving relationship just as in any area of life. Do you have the skills or are you willing to learn the skills to create a quality relationship? Honesty is another key word. Do you tell the truth and are you trustworthy? Relationships are difficult to heal after a person has been dishonest or disloyal. Growth is the way to create change. We know the old expression, “if nothing changes, nothing changes”. Since we cannot change another person, (as much as we might like to!), the change I am describing is about our own personal growth. If we are on a quest to continually grow and change, not trying to be perfect but to be our best selves, our relationships have the greatest chance to mature, expand and radiate love. Some intentions: I choose to embrace change as a positive aspect of my relationship. I can take responsibility for my personal growth. 3. The Law of Attraction in Relationships One of the universal laws, the Law of Attraction operates on the idea that what we put our focus on expands or what we give out we attract back to us. That can make for some interesting dynamics in a relationship. Imagine that when we put our focus only on our issues and problems, more issues and problems surface. So to improve the fun and connection, focus on the strengths, the passion, vitality and enthusiasm that you want to share. We can actually encourage change in our partners by focusing on what we want to experience and focusing our efforts to create a loving, meaningful connection. Some intentions: I choose to focus on what I like and what I want in my relationship. I can focus on what makes for happy interactions. As I remember to see the good in all people and all circumstances, I also see new possibilities with fresh awareness. I see solutions that were, up until now, blocked by critical judgment and fear. Some suggestions for creating a loving and enriching partnership:
What is the one thing you could do that would improve considerably your relationship(s)? Upcoming Events:Tuesdays with Lightworks: Take the opportunity to learn, listen, share and laugh at our evenings of interactive discussions, activities and personal reflection. We focus on women’s challenges, strategies and energizing exercises to promote personal growth for well-being These circles are held the third Tuesday of every month. The next Tuesdays with Lightworks is March 20th, 2007 from 7:30 pm to 9:30 pm at 6399 Edenwood, Mississauga. Join us for an evening of “Cream-Making”. Using only pure, natural essential oils, with no preservatives and glycerine, you will learn how to make your own face, body and hand creams. You will leave the evening with a set of 3 creams. Due to this special event, please note the location has changed. Our cost for that special evening will be $15.00 + cost for the material of approximately $10.00. Act fast. This event is restricted to 8 participants only. |
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