In this issue:

• Current Courses
• Article: The Paradox of Goal Setting

Current Courses

Women's Circle

Come and join us and invite your friend to our ongoing monthly women's circle held the third Tuesday of every month. Take the opportunity to learn, listen, share and laugh. The evening will focus on women's challenges, strategies and energizing exercise to promote happiness and well-being.

Please call 905-821-4361 or email: eskronski@riseinternational.ca  to reserve your space for the circle to be held on March 22, 2005 from 7:30 to 9:30 pm. Registration  at the door from 7:00 pm. to 7:20 pm. Location is at 190 Robert Speck Parkway in Mississauga. A $10.00 donation covers refreshments and supplies. Topic for that evening will be:

Women's overthinking habits: women wear many hats and use their thoughts to plan ahead, organize priorities and get the most out of each minute. This pattern leads to stress and overload. Come and have some fun exploring a more playful way to reorganize your thinking!

Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Elizabeth Skronski

Women's Retreats

A w eek-end intensive that provides a natural setting and personal discovery experiences to increase self-esteem, energy, self-nurturing and connection to other women who share similar challenges.

Please call for information. Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Elizabeth Skronski

Relationship Renewal

A 4-week course for couples that benefits the relationship by providing:

• Experiential exercise s that promote personal and couple awareness of beliefs and values
• Informative presentations to guide couples toward realistic expectations and goals
• Weekly instruction and practice of constructive communication skills to enhance understanding & intimacy

Please call for further information on course dates, location, cost, to request a brochure and to register. Facilitators: Anne Bourke and Wendy Saxe

Anger Management Course

A 4 week group interactive course that provides self-awareness and understanding of your anger style, the purpose of your anger, naming your stressors and practicing constructive strategies to make changes at all levels: mentally, physiologically and emotionally.

Please call for further information. Facilitator: Anne Bourke

Article of the month:

The Paradox of Goal-Setting: A new Perspective

Written by Elizabeth Skronski

We all have read at some point in time the benefits of setting our goals and writing them down. Every New Year, newspaper and magazines have articles on the “ how to's” of setting goals. Most of us have heard the SMART formula of goal setting, which stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-Bound.

Does goals - setting scare you? When asked what your goals are  for the  coming year, do you start hyperventilating with a blank look on your face?

Although we know logically and also intuitively that we need goals to move forward in life, just about everyone I know has difficulty doing it. Regardless of how many books we read and seminars we attend, we still don't do it. So what's missing?

As I sat at my desk, staring at the blank Word document, on my laptop screen, paralyzed and not being able to think, I knew I should do it … but not now!

So I took a bath, finding every possible excuse to delay the inevitable: Achieving my goal to write down my goals for the first 6 months of the year (Forget about goals for the whole year… Way too long of a time frame)

It is February, after all. Shouldn't we all have our goals written down by now? That's what the experts say!

As I started reading Shatki Gawain's book, Living in the Light, my mind started to drift and think about the concept of goal setting… What is it about setting goals that makes a trip to the dentist look like an easy task?

As I allowed my feelings and emotions about goals to come up, I had the great insight that goals are scary because they remind us of failure – what if I don't meet my goals? They remind us of embarrassment – what will people think of me, what will I think of myself? They remind us of obligations and commitments – after all, don't we have enough commitments already?

If I write my goals down, I'm committed… Even more so if I tell people about them. And if I don't deliver on the “ goods”, then I've failed; I'm not good enough… And what about if I change my mind, then does it mean I can't commit to anything. I'm sure you get the picture.

The paradox of goals is that setting them can be just as  stressful  a s not setting them.

One of the reasons I believe we have difficulty in setting goals is that we approach goals from a standpoint of what we want; and quite honestly, not many people really do know what they want. Sure, everyone wants to have money, everyone wants to be happy, everyone wants to have good relationships. The key is clarity and recognition.

If we eliminate the word “ goals” and replace it by the word “desires” or the question “ what is important to me” then the heavy feeling of “ should” lifts up and is replaced by a feeling of excitement. We can be much more clearer on what is important to us.

The other component, which I believe might help, is recognizing that everyday we achieve something that we set our minds to do. These might be small things such as registering for a class that was important for us or buying the paint for the room that we want painted in a different color. Because we do not call them goals, we fail to recognize that we are successful in accomplishing something that was important to us. The more we pay attention to these achievements, the better we become at recognizing what is important to us, what motivates us to take action, and the steps we took to accomplish our desire.

Call to Action

Review what is important to you. To support you, review each area of your life, (spiritual/happiness, physical/health, physical environment, relationships and family, career, finance), take an inventory of where you are today and what would you want to have achieved in 6 months (or whatever time frame).

Write the objectives or goals down at a high level first. If you can, start by writing them by hand as this process actually connects you even more to them and promotes ownership. The screen of a computer can feel intimidating and sterile.

Break the objective, the desire or the goal into small steps. Ask yourself: What is the first step I can do to bring me closer to my desire… Is there another step before that? I call this exercise “ Breaking the Elephant down”.

Visualize success: What does it look like; what does it feel like

Trust that the Universe will hear you and will provide you what you need to succeed. It is up to you to recognize it.

By the way – I did exactly that and am proud to say I did do write my goals ….

Copyright 2005 Elizabeth Skronski