Lightworks for Well Being newsletter

The literature of self-help books, research studies and articles all point to the benefits of living as much as possible in the present moment. It seems simple enough and yet many of us continue to struggle with the experience. In fact we could call the inability to experience being in the moment as a problem or issue. Why is it so difficult to be aware, alive and enjoying the present moment?
We may have a tendency to flee from experiencing the truth or realness of the moment. Many of these patterns are habits, perhaps learned behaviour from our families of origin. There are a variety of ways to escape from the feelings of our real emotions or true body sensations.
Let's look at several methods that we may unconsciously use to avoid what really 'is'.

Somaticizing - You may generate a body pain that takes your focus off your feelings. Instead of experiencing certain difficult feelings, you develop a very sore pain anywhere in your body. For example: Let's say that at work someone is displeased with a project for which you are responsible. After a split second of trying to process the detrimental remarks, you begin to feel a pain in the neck and full attention is focused on the pain. The body pain masks the difficult feelings.

Faulty Attribution - In this scenario, you blame something outside of yourself that is really caused by your own discomfort. For example: Your partner is angry about a large expenditure and is having a tirade. You attribute your headache to the yelling rather than noticing that you are tensing all your head and neck muscles in response to the tirade.

Explanations - You may get caught up in a lot of explaining about your feelings rather than actually experiencing the feeling. For example: You come home and one of the children has broken a treasured item that belonged to your late Mother. When your spouse arrives you get caught in an explanation of the details of the situation, which serves to take attention away from actually experiencing the feelings of loss or disappointment.

Justifications - You are adding an extra layer to the feelings that you are experiencing so that you don't need to look deeper into self-reflection. For example: You are angry about a neighbour's comments and you become righteous about your point of view. Justifying is a defence against finding out what our true feelings are about.

Concepts - Any conceptual thought can take us away from actual true feelings. For example: You are feeling isolated and lonely and you escape the feelings by seeing yourself in a tourist resort meeting new people. To release the sadness and loneliness you must get under the pictures or concepts and deal with the real feelings. Then you may choose to solve your loneliness in an authentic manner.

Drama - You may recycle soap operas with certain significant people and out pops perhaps 'tired martyr'. For example: You do too much for all your friends and at some point feel resentful and used, again. The drama helps you escape the real feelings that propel you into doing too much. If you can step out of the drama, you may give time and attention to learn why it is that you take on other peoples' responsibilities repeatedly.

Logic - There is no question that logic is an effective way to solve problems. However, you may be super reasonable in your perspective and lose the important feelings that you are experiencing. For example: you lose you pet after many happy years together. The pet was aging and getting more slow in its movements. Instead of grieving the loss of your old friend, you may put forth logical reasons for the passing and this may suppress your grief.

Judgmentalness - You may approach every daily experience with a question of whether or not you should be having the experience. For example: You are out with your friends having lots of laughs and fun when you think of a significant other who is home alone. You may then make judgments about what you should be doing and what the other person is feeling, instead of allowing yourself to experience what you are feeling in the present situation. Many of us have an inner critic that

What is the reason that people use these patterns to cover up or mask their present reality? When the intensity of difficult feelings is too great, it may seem easier to retreat to the mind where logic, concepts, and judgment may offer some relief, or so it seems. When our consciousness is one step removed from ourselves we are not truly anywhere. For when we escape the essence of the moment, we lose our ability to be creative and experience the natural connection or union with others and ourselves. For example: You are at home alone and probably lonely. Instead of focusing on this awareness or the feelings of loneliness you may visit the refrigerator, and then call a friend but reach an answering machine. Perhaps you then use the TV until you feel ready to fall asleep! You have used a variety of barriers to keep you from feeling your feelings. But you don't feel any better.

Integration is experiencing the essence of ourselves. There are some strategies that support the growth of integration: being awake, alive and experiencing the present moment.
Presencing: Giving your full attention to the feelings of the moment. Too often we may use busyness to bury the feelings.

Breathing: Once you are present with the authentic feelings, use the breath to get deeply into the feelings.

Movement: Once you are deeply in the feelings, patterns of movement may surface, such as pointing a finger, swinging your arms. In a situation of safety, continue the movement and magnify it if appropriate.

Communication: You may want to express the feelings out loud, letting yourself be spontaneous with your words to describe your feelings.

Grounding: Once you have completed the cycle of experiencing, you can now ground yourself. Focus on your feet touching the ground or take deep breaths releasing any tension.

Action: After the release there may be some useful insight into what you choose to do with the experience.

There are other methods used to express your feelings. Journaling is a useful tool to release as is biking, workouts, a strong, fast walk. Being in tune with the feelings that you want to release is necessary.
Pay attention to your methods of dealing with your feelings, if you have a goal to become a more authentic individual. Once you have expressed, released and named what is really bothering you, you will feel much more centred, grounded and conscious, which may empower you to continue this pattern of being self-aware. 'Be present to the truth within yourself and problems disappear. See the truth the way it is, say the truth the way it is and life gains a remarkable integrity.'
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Copyright Ligthworks for Well Being 2008