Volume 2, Issue 2
 
February 2006
In this issue:

What's New:

Happy Valentine's Day 2006. Make it a day of Celebration for Love and Loving Relationships! 

Check out  Resources Pages . We have added many more books and have categorized them by subject. And to make it easier for you, you can click on the link and it will take you straight to Indigo-Chapters. You can also do a search for any similar books right from our resources page. CLick here and see some of the pictures from our Women's Renewal Retreat and read more testimonials .     

Available Services: What's coaching ? Tiger Woods has a coach to help him focus on the results he wants, help him choose the best club to use, encourage him to keep the eye on the ball, set higher goals and achieve them.

personal coach does the same for your life. A personal coach is like a personal life trainer. Through a supportive and safe partnership, a coach helps you figure out what matters the most to you, figure out the goals you want to achieve, recognize barriers and design strategies to overcome them, stay focused, develop an action plan, and stand by you, without judgment. 

Counselling can create positive change in the quality of each day, improving your confidence, your satisfaction in interpersonal relationships and establishing a higher level of personal productivity and life resiliency.

Contact us for more information on our various services

Quote of the month:


     Sophocles, (496-406 BC), Greek Tragedian   

Current events:

Women's Wisdom Circle :

Come and join us and invite your friend s  to our on going monthly women's  wisdom circle held the third Tuesday of every month .  Take   the opportunity to learn, listen, share and laugh. The evening focus es on women's challenges, strategies and energizing exercise s to promote happiness and well being.

Anne and I will be away the third week of February attending a week-long seminar, where we will be learning great stuff to share with you on how to increase your well-being.  So please make a note of the change in date:

The  next Women's Circle is  February 28th , 2006 from 7:30 pm to 9:30 pm at 190 Robert Speck Parkway in Mississauga.   You must pre-register to attend. Deadline for registration is Monday February 27th.

You can also register by sending an email to elizabeth@lightworksforwellbeing.com

Due to the inclement weather for our January circle, we will be holding again our topic: How do I bring more of what I want into my life? Click here to register

Article of the Month

BUILDING LOVING BONDS by Anne Bourke

Loving and being loved is an ultimate life experience, isn’t it?

If you can imagine that a committed love relationship is a dynamic, work in process, then each day presents the opportunity to further enrich and enhance the quality of your relationship. The challenge that couples face in trying to stay close and keep their love alive over time is very complex. Current statistics on separation and divorce certainly verify this.

The old fairy tale about couples living happily ever after has its roots in the fantasy that love is powerful enough to reconcile differences, and dissolve the fears, conflicts and emotions that are triggered by life’s events. Some couples enter counselling feeling disappointed and resentful, let down that their relationship falls short of their expectation of being perfect for them.

Many couples live unhappily ever after, feeling unfulfilled and lonely, ignoring their own problems and pointing the finger of blame at each other. I know this for myself at times. Being intimately connected can pull up my personal baggage and serve it up to my husband as his issues! It is easy to project our ‘stuff’ on to another, especially our partner.

Other patterns that block healthy equality in intimacy occur when one partner loses their own identity by being over-focused on the other. Also some couples get lopsided in the balance of power where one takes over or is given control, making important decisions while the other acquiesces. We learn connection from primary intimate relationships – usually in our family of origin.

When we witness continual disrespect, arguing, contempt and silence, instead of cooperation and working out solutions, we enter relationships without the experience of helpful role models or the life skills necessary to create a strong, healthy bond.

Ovid had a point when he wrote…

“Love is….no assignment for cowards”

So what helps to build a strong relationship?

Firstly, it takes two people who put both feet fully into the complexity of intimacy, with the ups and downs, disappointments, hurt, and vulnerability. While they give themselves to sustaining a balanced, loving relationship, neither person is over-powered nor absorbed by the other. Healthy couples have an openness to make changes for the betterment of the relationship. Each focuses on personal growth by examining themselves and making changes from within.

Communication is a strong tool to reinforce emotional intimacy, enhance the individuality of each partner, and encourage individual growth. Being clear about what they really mean or want, and listening without judgment reinforces the bond. The day-to-day companionship, the pleasure of enjoying things together, the display of interest and enjoyment when speaking to their partner, are ways to increase feelings of closeness and caring.

Other suggestions for building loving intimacy are:

  • Creating opportunities to talk, laugh, walk together
  • Being sensitive to body language and energy levels
  • Nurturing a feeling of respect and co-operation
  • Creating shared meaning (values) and interests
  • Giving appreciation for a partner’s strengths
  • Celebrating and having fun together

Despite the complexity, a loving partnership offers the hope of a mature and true intimacy. Partners don’t know the extent of the boundaries of a loving relationship, so they are challenged to increase the quality of intimacy, making the growth of a loving relationship a continual adventure.

Out of the mouths of babes… Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Getting to the heart of the matter with your partner

  • What is most important to you in our relationship?
  • How do I show how much I care?
  • How would you like me to show you that I care?
  • What habits or behaviours of mine bug you the most?
  • What qualities of mine do you enjoy the most?
  • What changes do you think we can make that will bring us closer together?

Some self-confronting questions:

  • How do I want to behave in my relationship?
  • How am I going to get there?
  • What do I have to do to get myself from where I am to where I want to be?
  • What's the first, small step I can take to get moving?

Here are some recommended books:

  1. Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
  2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work, John Gottman
  3. The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm
  4. You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen
  5. Keeping the Love You Find, Harville Hendrix
  6. The Relationship Cure, John Gottman

Question of the Month:

How will you show to your loved one that you care on Valentine's Day and everyday starting now? 

Recommended book:

The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Goldhor Learner . Also, review the list of recommended books in the article

Upcoming Events:

Women's retreat

The Sisters in Spirit Women's week-end Retreat    coming in Spring 2006 

A weekend just for you: to relax, rejuvenate and energize yourself  in a fun and supportive group environment 

A weekend of self-discovery, to spark your creative impulse, to move forward in your life towards well-being on all levels. 

A weekend to create possibilities, imagination, insights and a focused plan of action.  

click here for more information 

Relationship Renewal  

A  four-week course for couples that benefits the relationship ...  click here for more information 

Self-Development Course 

A  four-week group interactive course that provides self-awareness and understanding of your anger style, the purpose of your anger, naming your  stressors and practicing constructive strategies to make changes at all levels: mentally, physiologically and emotionally...         

 click here for more information 

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Elizabeth and Anne
Lightworks for Well Being
Creating Possibilities ... Inspiring Action
Coaching, counselling, Workshops and Retreats for Well Being
T: 905-821-4361 or 905-785-6383
E:  elizabeth@lightworksforwellbeing.com or annebourke@lightworksforwellbeing.com